Author's note:
It was easy to write, since Jae's feelings were exact what I felt when I was leaving seaside this summer.
I have never seen the ocean...

Turquoise


Mickey looked around the room. All their things were packed, the closet and night table unusually bare. The room suddenly seemed bigger, more bright and unfamiliar. In the moment it grew back into the anonymous hotel room it was before they had come. The freshly made bed and crisp air smelling vaguely with the air conditioner held no hints of them ever being here, living here for over than two weeks. The efficiency with which the competent chamber maid had wiped all the traces of their temporal lodging made him feel as if they had never been here. They could have been leaving or could have just come – the scenery would have been the same: the packed bags on the floor, fresh bed-sheets and towels, not a sign of dust.


Everything would have been the same - was the same – except for one thing.
Jaejoong wasn’t there.


Mickey sighed. He hadn’t seen the other boy from the previous evening. He woke up in the morning to find no warm body pressed to his. Mickey knew that Jaejoong was an early riser, but 5am was early even for him. He didn’t find him in the bathroom, nor at the restaurant, when he went down to have breakfast. Others hadn’t seen the elder boy too. Mickey didn’t allow the worry to rise. Jae was old enough to take care of himself.


For all of them the two week vacation at Bora Bora was the long-awaited bliss. Of course the were numerous shootings, but still it was much more than they were allowed in the long time. Besides this time Mickey got to share a room with Jae, which allowed at least some kind of privacy – and that was an exception too.


The two weeks seemed as short as a day. Mickey could still remember their arrival at the beautiful island and now he was already preparing to go back. It made him a bit sad, but anxious at the same time. He already missed Korea and anticipated the upcoming concerts with the strange mix of feelings. With the same feeling one goes to school after the summer vacation: you can’t wait to see your friends, but can’t help feeling reluctant to attend the classes.


Gingerly Mickey sat on the edge of the bed. It felt almost as if he was intruding into some space, which no longer belonged to him. The way the sheets felt under his fingers made him remember all the times Jae crawled into his bed, warm fingers and dark eyes that told promises. The way the bed creaked under their joined weight, when their entwined bodies moved in the tandem. He could almost hear the emitted gasps forever lingering in the air.


Mickey shook his head and stood up. There was only one hour left, he had to find Jae.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Mickey found him at one of their favorite ‘hiding places’, the spots at the beach, where they went to be alone. The raven haired boy was sitting on the white sand, facing the ocean, and seemed oblivious to the other’s presence.


“Hey..”, uttered Mickey quietly. He suddenly felt unsure of himself, and, the moment when Jaejoong turned and looked at him, he felt as if he was an intruder. The thought rang unpleasantly, pulling at some strings in his chest, making him frown.


Approaching the other boy, he sat on the sand near him, slightly brushing his thigh. Jeajoong’s gaze was fixed on the turquoise water before them. Though his face was expressionless, to Mickey, who had learned to tell the different moods of his lover by the tiniest movements of his brow or flutter of the eye-lashes, he looked troubled.


“I don’t want to leave,” finally said Jae quietly.


“I guessed that,” nodded Mickey. “But we have to go,” he added after awhile, seeing that there was no reaction from the elder boy.


Jaejoong shook his head. And then suddenly his lips were locked with the other boy’s in a passionate kiss. When they broke apart finally, he studied him thoughtfully and sighed: “I will miss that.”


“Miss what?” – the question came like a gasp from Mickey.


“Miss having you all to myself”, Jaejoong leaned closer to him, his lips grazing lazily at the other’s. “I don’t like sharing you with others, your friends, the fans…” Before Mickey managed to think of a smart reply, the shorter boy was already crawling onto his body, pressing him down into the warm sand, devouring his lips.


The feel of the familiar lithe body in his arms brought the tiny waves of tingling pleasure. He knew, they didn’t have the time for this, and the longer they would be absent, the more probable it was that somebody would go looking for them and find them here, and…


Mickey broke the kiss and threw his head back as the breathless laughter escaped threw his lips: “We’ll be late, Jae…” He gasped, when Jaejoong licked his exposed neck. “I know…”, the words were whispered in his ear, the warm breath spreading the heat all over his body. The sudden roll of the hips made him moan.


Above them was a rare canopy of trees, the blue sky contrasting the green of the leaves, the distant sound of the ocean – everything so serene and alive at the same time, contrasting with the dead emptiness of their hotel room and the heat of Jaejoongs kisses. Mickey promised himself that he would remember this trip and this island like this: the exotic mixture of passion and placidity. Mentally he promised Jae that one day they would return here.


Minutes ran like hours, when finally Jaejoong escaped the warm circle of his arms and stood up, brushing the sand off his clothes. Mickey pushed himself up, still dazed and disheveled after the spell of lust. He watched the other boy make few steps to the water edge, then turn and extend a hand to him.


“Come”, he said.


Carefully the taller boy stood up and taking the offered hand followed Jaejoong to the ocean. Stepping into the water, he was surprised at how warm it was. “What are you doing?”, he asked, smiling in spite of himself. The raven haired boy turned to look at him. “Do you trust me?”, he asked. “I love you,” was the answer, rewarded with the flash of white teeth.


Jaejoong walked further, stopping only when the water was at their waist level. The water barely moved around them. Mickey looked down and once again was surprised with how clear the water was. With sudden fascination he watched the way their clothes moved under water, as if on their own accord. His left hand was still clasped with Jaejoong’s right one. Absent-mindedly he touched the heavy ring on his finger, wondering how many things about this boy in front of him were now so familiar to him.


When Mickey looked up, he saw the dark haired boy watch him with the expression of deep sadness and strange longing. Looking into those dark orbs, the taller boy knew, he would give up everything just to be with him. This need was much stronger than any other instinct.


I am sorry, he mouthed.
I know, was his reply.


Jaejoong’s hand circled around his neck, the body pressed flash with his, the lips locked with the other boy’s, Mickey’s hand circling his lover’s waist. It was their world, the surreal reality, about which only they knew and which only they could enter.


The bodies pressed so hard, the embrace so tight, as if they were trying to merge into one; the lips breathing the same air, feasting on each other’s mouths; it was, when they, still locked, plunged into the water, in the flurry of the bubble, that Mickey finally realized, that what seemed to be an end was in fact the new beginning.


[footnote] some people guessed that i was entertaining the idea of scuicide in the end of this fic. *smerk*


ended: 9/13/2005