Author's note:
Spent all weekend at home, feeling a bit sick. Should have been doing something more productive than watch TV all day long or read books. But then suddenly I really wanted to make a tequila based cocktail (margarita!) but we had no tequila so I made a home made Mojito. Note to self: never mix Havana Club with peppermint - to sweet for me. But I'm getting off the track. So my sudden carving for tequila turned into this lovely piece of fiction (which still needs much editing, I admit). :) Enjoy.


Tequila



The bar was dark and only half full. Air smelled musky from stale sweat and sour from numerous drinks spilt and vomited. The bouncer sat in the corner, darting his eyes occasionally here and there, and nursing a drink of his own. Worn out furniture and cigarette burns on the seats’ upholstery. The place was cheap and uncomplicated, its staff expecting nothing but enough money in their customer’s pockets to pay for their drinks.


A perfect meeting point for any deal. A perfect place for anyone looking for a cheap drink and cheap fuck.


A perfect hideout.


In his dark corner Yoochun was contemplating his life over a Margarita.


[Fifty percent of tequila]


[strength]


Sometimes he couldn’t understand if he had changed or the world had gone mad. But suddenly all he noticed was Jaejoong - the way his eyes lit up when he talked about something passionately, how his skin glowed with perspiration after a concert or a rehearsal. His smile made him want to cry and laugh at the same time, a friendly touch sent jolts through his body.


Yoochun knew no name of this feeling. All he knew was that it was stronger than any drink he ever had.


[Twenty-nine percent of Triple Sec]


[sweetness]


The lips under his were full and firm. The sweet mouth moved in synch with his own, sleek tongue darted in and out teasing him. Yoochun felt as if he had gone deaf – no sounds existed in his world except for ragged breathing and irregular beating of two hearts. Rustle of the clothes, firm muscles under smooth skin and the smell of grape and pineapples. Feeling faint and breathless Yoochun broke the kiss only to lean back and capture Jaejoong’s lips again.


He was already addicted to this sweetness.


[Twenty-one percent of fresh lime juice]


[bitterness]


It was all confusing at first. Secret meeting places, half-concealed glances and lingering touches. Half formed lies and excuses for absence. Fake laughter, jokes and insults to conceal awkwardness they both felt. His own laugh sounded hollow and empty, his lies unconvincing to his own ears. Yoochun felt as if his whole life was one big lie. His heart beat painfully in his chest with the single longing to be with Jaejoong and the rest of the world be damned.


He didn’t know where this bitterness came from.


[With salt on the rim of the glass]


[saltness]


Sometimes you just reach the point when you can’t pretend anymore, Yoochun thought. It becomes too much to handle and you just have to do something. Leave or quit. Make a choice. Duty or freedom. What is more important to you, he asked Jaejoong once. Duty, answered Jaejoong shrugging, nobody is fully free in this world.


And so he made his own choice.


Bitter wind tore at his hair and clothes, a cigarette light almost dying from a strong gust. A storm had been brewing for days before finally falling down in the strongest downpour. Rain soaked his hair plastering it to his head, the water streaking down his face.


But all Yoochun could taste was the salt of his own tears.


[Served with a slice of lime]


Running away and hiding wasn’t the best tactic, Yoochun knew it well. But it was something inherited from the childhood – a futile attempt to ignore the problem in the hope that it would vanish or resolve on its own. In any other situation the best friend’s advice was something he would be seeking right now instead of drinking. In any other situation he knew that his best friend would be able to help. But not this time.


Yoochun doubted Jaejoong would ever talk to him again.


His third Margarita finished Yoochun put down the glass only to find a waitress put down another drink in front of him. Tequila Sunrise, no less.


‘But I didn’t order that’, said Yoochun looking up at waitress in confusion.


‘Don’t worry, it’s mine.’ A too familiar voice and a more familiar body joining him at the table.


Hundreds of questions, ‘why’s and ‘how on earth’ and ‘what the hell are you doing here’, they all seemed stupid and insignificant. All he could do was to watch Jaejoong take a long swing from his glass, watch his throat work, notice long finger caress the glass absent-mindedly when he put it down. And then that sweet mouth was covering his in a shameless kiss, devouring, claiming.


Kiss ended as abruptly as it had started. Head spinning from double intoxication Yoochun was scared to open his eyes.


‘Stupid boy’, he almost didn’t hear but felt a gentle whisper ghost over his cheek, ‘I choose you over the world.’


Yoochun opened his eyes and smiled.


He wasn’t hiding anymore.




August 2, 2009