Author's note: I woke up this morning feeling warm and lazy. It was raining outside and for sometime I was just lying in the bed listening to the rain music. :) During a week I struggled through the studies thinking how much I wanted to write something, but i couldnt and i made myself (with little success) concentrate on the homework. But this morning when i woke up and heard drip-drop, I understood that I couldn't not write. Because I always knew that the rain was my undoing.
Written for a challange at lj comm 30 kisses. Theme #4; our distance and that person. DBSK RPS, m/m. Don't know, don't own, bid no harm.


Rain-washed Dreams


"I have lost all my dreams to the pouring rain."

Waking up in the semi-darkness of his bedroom, for the briefest second he confusedly believed that the warmth that was enveloping was coming from his lovers arms. It took a minute to realize that it was just a blanket. He felt warm, sleepy, but his heart was shallow. The warmth of the duvet and the heater was not something that he carved. It was artificial, warming his skin, but not touching his heart.

“It has taken you form me, wiped all your traces. Yet it remains to be the only thread that binds us together.”

The pouring rain continued its lullaby outside his window. Groggily he rose and crossed the floor reaching the window and moving the thick curtain away, enough to see the outside world. The scenery outside was grey and hollow, just like his soul at the moment. The sky was overcast with heavy clouds of the dirty snow colour. Pressing his forehead to the indifferent glass of the window, he watched the heaven shed its tears.

“I used to believe in you, as you used to believe in me.”

His mind still blurred from the sleep, it was difficult to distinguish the dream from the reality, the flashes of the past events mixing with the things which had never happened, no matter how much he wished they would. He could remember one of those nasty nights, when it was pouring like this, the sky seldomly adorned by the lightning. He couldn’t sleep and ended standing before the window, just like he was standing now.

But back then everything was different. He could feel the acute difference. Back then there was a sleeping form of his lover blurrily mirrored in the window glass. Back then there was a sleepy yawn and a raspy “wass’up?”. Back then there was the sound of the rustling sheets and the feeling of the warm hands encircling his waist.

“I used to give all my heart to you, and you used to give me yours.”

He let out a shuddered sigh, the breath briefly steaming up the glass. He could still feel the pleasant heaviness of the body pressed to his, the breath ticking his neck. He still remembered the silky touches and velvet lips, the fit muscles and gentle fingers. But most of all he missed the low purring voice and his name rolling off his lover’s tongue.

“I let you explore me inside and outside. I gave to you my everything, and you let me gasping in the cold rain.”

The feeling that bound them was so intense and deep, they knew each other so well, that eventually they had to split. The affection they shared wasn’t gone. It lingered behind the layers of carefully crafted masks. But it was still there, evident in the slip-ups and accidental touches and not-so-hidden longing in the dark eyes.

Nobody could understand the reasons they drifted apart. And probably neither of them understood either. It just happened and left them both nursing the bleeding wounds in their hearts. What seemed to have been done for better became the beginning of their ending.

“The sky is crying, so I know that you are crying too.”

Thinking about what his love was doing at this very moment was too painful. But he still could brush it away. In spite of the distance he could still feel his lover, could sense his thoughts, could taste his feelings.

A solemn tear rolled down his cheek, and he knew that he was crying as well. Maybe he was just like him standing before the window and watching the falling rain. Maybe he was as lonely and cold. Maybe he was as empty and delirious as he was.

“Why did you let the rain do this to us? Why did you let him drift us apart?”

For a second he felt as if he was consumed by the pain he was feeling, it was so intense. Then he suddenly opened his eyes and pushing himself off the window sill, to which he came to lean, swiftly jerked the curtain back in place, obscuring the grey outside world. Turning his back to the offending window, he silently whispered:

“I will be forever waiting for you.”


started: 19/04/05