Author's note:
First request done. First attempt at writing this pairing too.
A
precious pearl
“What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was one of a kind,
A precious pearl
What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain”
Tatu “Gomenasai”
~*~*~
I may be the cutest one, but I know that he is the most
beautiful of us all. He may deny that, hiding his embarrassed smile behind his
hand, but it is true. His dark locks
are soft silk, his skin is like of a porcelain doll, white and smooth, his eyes
are like to pools of darkest skies. He is perfect to me.
It is funny how little we have in common though.
He is close with Yunho, because both of them are the
oldest and feel responsible for the rest of us – the youngest. And I have a
feeling that he is enjoying his role a bit too much, cooking and cleaning and
fussing over whether we did our homework or not. In the middle of his yet
another tirade about how we should keep our things in order instead of
scattering them around the house, he would glance up at Yunho, a genuine smile
on his face.
God, Jaejoong would make a perfect housewife. Or would
have, if he was a woman. And if he were, I am sure, that he and Yunho would be
long ago dating, because they are just perfect together. But Yunho is as
straight as a man can be, and all their parent-like behavior is all an act,
although a true one.
But I envy Yunho, because he can pretend to be ‘a
father’ and give his ‘wife’ a peck on the cheek and receive a giggle in
answer.
But I am not brave enough even to attempt such a thing.
Jaejoong seems to be most affectionate with Changmin. I
can understand why, because we all love the kid because he is very serious and
thoughtful, and let’s admit it, good looking too. He is very kind, and that
brilliant smile of his can melt everybody’s heart. Jaejoong would hug him the
most, would ruffle his hair, kiss him on the cheek.
I saw them once snuggling on the couch, watching TV.
Jaejoong was using Changmin’s tummy as a pillow, their legs intertwined –
they looked comfortable into each other’s presence.
I remember how my heart clenched for a moment upon setting my eyes on the
scene, how embarrassed I felt as if I was interrupting a private moment.
I thought there was something between them, something
more than friendship until I heard Jaejoong tell Yoochun, that Changmin was too
innocent. “I am afraid to corrupt him”, he said.
When it comes to Yoochun, Jaejoong is not afraid of
anything. There is nothing to corrupt, it seems. I think Jaejoong feels the
closest to him. He said so himself on occasion, he said that they had too much
in common.
Often I see them engaged into a deep conversation. They
would speak for hours, and looking at them I can feel the strong connection
between those two. They act and talk as if they are twins or two halves of one
soul. More than once I heard Yoochun say that he thought of Jaejoong as his
soulmate.
And where did it leave me?
What could I be for him, when he has everybody else?
//
Junsu frowned. He was trying to write a song for over
two hours and still nothing came out. His fingers felt clumsy and too big for
the keys, and, let’s face it, his heart was not in it.
His heart was…
With frustration Junsu slammed his fist on the keyboard
producing a cacophonous sound. Rubbing his temples, he thought that it was a
good thing that he was alone in their work room, otherwise Changmin would have
strongly objected to such a treatment of his synth. Yes, Junsu had to use the
boy’s synth again because he had lent his to Jaejoong. Again.
As if he could deny him anything.
Staring at the yellow bear sitting at their desk, Junsu
thought that he might make the stuffed animal’s clothes look even more
fashionable and sexy, as a sudden urge to tear something overcame him. He
jumped a little when he heard the door to the room open.
He almost jumped out of his skin, when he saw that it
was Jaejoong who opened it.
Immediately Junsu jumped from his position in front of
Changmin’s synth and moved to his own stool, making the distance between them.
He gulped as he watched Jaejoong hover uncertainly at the doorway and finally
croaked out, “What do you want?” He sounded rude, Junsu thought, wincing
inwardly, as he watched the elder boy flinch a little.
“Um, you were composing, sorry, I.. interrupted
you,” Jaejoong turned ready to leave.
Both Junsu’s heart and mind raced, trying to come up
with some intelligent reply, when it suddenly registered in his brain that
Jaejoong was actually leaving.
“No!” That made Jaejoong stop and look back.
“No, you didn’t. I mean I wasn’t really
composing, just, um, fumbling a bit, um, yeah…” He trailed off uncertainly
of what to say next. Jaejoong kept standing where he was, looking at him a bit
expectedly.
“So, um, you wanted something?”
Junsu’s palms were sweating, he felt hot all over and
he prayed that he was not blushing. What he most probably was doing,
judging by the burning sensation which spread up his neck and face.
“I wanted to talk to you about something”, Jaejoong
stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. And thus cutting all ways
for retreat. Junsu fought the bile that rose in his throat.
Jaejoong stopped right in front of him. His head was
lowered as if he was embarrassed or uncertain about something. Finally as if
having made up his mind, he looked up at Junsu and pulled a piece of paper out
of his pocket. Silently he handed it out to the younger boy.
Even from that distance Junsu could see that it was
that God damned paper he had written few days ago, when he had been wallowing in
self-pity about how Jaejoong paid attention to everyone but him. Junsu felt
nauseated, he couldn’t bear to look into the elder boy’s face.
It was the end.
“Where did you get it?” He choked out, he closed
his eyes, blocking the view of Jaejoong, not wanting to see him, pretending he
didn’t exist.
“I was picking up the things, you and Changmin had
left in the living room, and it fell out of the pocket of your jeans…”
Jaejoong felt silent, and Junsu said nothing as well,
simply nodded, accepting explanation. The eldest boy’s hand dropped, as he
realized that Junsu wasn’t going to take the paper. Biting his lip he made
himself look over the scrabbled words.
“Do you really see me like this? Do you…” He
paused for a second, before continuing, “think of me as that perfect?”
This was easy. This was not what he expected. He could
answer that one. Just, God, let them not ask why.
“Yes.”
“But, Junsu…” Jaejoong sounded sad and mournful.
Junsu refused to open his eyes to see his face. Only when a warm hand cupped his
cheek, making him jump, he opened his eyes and saw Jaejoong lean closer to him.
“But, Junsu, I am not perfect.”
Junsu swallowed hard. He could read a thousand of
different emotions in the eldest boy’s eyes. But none of them were disgust or
hatred.
“Yes. Yes, you are.”
But Jaejoong just shook his head. Rubbing a thumb over
the smooth cheek, he said, “Because if I were, I wouldn’t have wanted to
kiss you now.”
Junsu’s mouth felt dry, but said, “Then do it.”
“I will taint you.”
“And I will gladly accept whatever you offer to
me.”
Jaejoong’s lips were cold and firm, where he thought
they’d be warm and soft, the kiss was short and hard, not gentle at all.
A noise from the doorway made them break the kiss.
Looking up they saw Changmin looking at them with a knowing smirk, “And high
time it is”.
Junsu felt the heat spread over his face once again,
and he hid it in Jaejoong’s shirt pressing close to him, feeling the other’s
hands go around him.
It was not something he had expected to happen, love
was not exactly what he felt, but when Jaejoong laughed, Junsu knew that it was
just perfect.