A mouth, hot and wet, pressed down to his lips, unknown yet so familiar. Lips devoured him, demanding submission. Agile tongue parted his lips, thrusting inside.

A kiss was hard, fast and messy with so much teeth involved that it could be hardly called a kiss.

But it was just the way he wanted it.

//

They kissed many times. Innocently and playfully at first. Just a peck on the cheek, a brush of the lips over a hand.

And then, once it wasn’t so innocent anymore. And there were hot lips and wet tongue. And somehow the world shifted.

Jaejoong was laughing, as Yunho pressed him into the wall. He kept laughing, breathlessly so, after they kissed. He laughed again, when Yunho growled ‘mine!’ at him and kissed him again.

It all seemed so simple in the beginning.

//

His heart beat fast in his chest. The weight of the lithe body pressing down on him was both suffocating and exhilarating. He could hardly breathe; his head was spinning with thousands of different emotions.

Desire, pure animal lust, burned through his veins, intoxicating him like the best French champagne.

But this was better, much better.

//

Jaejoong yawned at the TV, not a bit interested in what he and Changmin were supposed to be watching. He vaguely remembered that it was some latest Hollywood production and maybe it was even worth spending two hours glued to the couch, but Yunho wasn’t there and that was what really mattered.

The eldest boy suppressed another yawn and glanced at the boy, hoping he didn’t notice. But Changmin seemed to be too engrossed into whatever trick effects filled vampire-something movie they were watching. Good.

Propping himself up on one elbow Jaejoong tried to focus on what was happening on the screen. But a minute passed and his thoughts wondered to his boyfriend.

His boyfriend.

It sounded so strange. Yunho was his boyfriend. He wasn’t sure what made it sound so alien to his ears: the thought that Yunho was his or that whole ‘boyfriend’ part. Maybe both a little.

He wasn’t in the least confused about what he felt to their leader and that it surely went past the boundaries of mere friendship. Nor did he doubt the nature of Yunho’s feelings. But still everything felt so new to him, new and fascinating. Jaejoong felt as if he had been blind and Yunho had made him see the world from a completely different perspective.

Yoochun walked into the room, his appearance breaking Jaejoong’s trace of thought.

“What are you watching?” He asked.

But before Changmin had a chance to reply, Jaejoong blurted out, “Where is Yunho?” He could feel the younger boy stare at him, and the traitorous blush crept up his face. Yoochun gave him a look and shrugged saying, “Why would I know.” Somehow making it sound as if he knew something.

Yoochun turned and walked away and then Yunho appeared and seeing him Jaejoong immediately stopped worrying about what others knew or could be suspecting.

The leader stared at them, stared at Jaejoong, for a moment, taking in their arrangement on the couch. Changmin on one side, sitting with his feet neatly tucked under him. Jaejoong was half-lying on the other side, his legs stretched towards the younger boy. The edges of his toes were almost touching Changmin’s thigh.

Without invitation Yunho flopped down on the couch right between two boys, almost sitting on the eldest boy’s feet in the process.

“Hey, my feet were there!” Jaejoong protested mildly.

“Well, you can put them into my lap,” Yunho offered, although he knew perfectly well that Jaejoong would never do that. At least not in front of Changmin.

And Jaejoong knew that too. So, he simply snorted, not really angry, tucking secretly his feet under Yunho’s thigh to keep them warm. There was a bowl of sweets in the leader’s hands and he placed it in his lap, just a bit more to the left to make it more reachable for Jaejoong.

That made the eldest boy’s lips curl and he hid his smile behind his hand. Reaching for the bowl, Jaejoong felt the warmth spread in his belly making him giddy with happiness and delight.

He knew.

And Yunho knew that he knew.

And loving Yunho was all about small things.

//

Hands, wild insatiable hands roamed over his chest. Teasing his skin, rubbing the rosy buds of his nipples they danced over his body, exploring everything and everywhere. They were bold, those hands. They knew exactly where to press harder, where to graze and make him shudder with both pleasure and laughter. These hands drove him insane, making him arc on the bed and beg for more.

He both hated and adored those hands.

//

No matter where Jaejoong went Yunho was a constant presence at his side. The elder boy didn’t mind it in the least, feeling happy and loved to be close to his boyfriend all the time.

It wasn’t that Yunho overdid a little with that whole ‘care’ thing. Jaejoong really didn’t think that the leader was watching over him too much. Completely missing the looks the others sometimes would give them both.

But then Yunho pushed a fan when she wanted to hug Jaejoong. And he never knew Yunho could be that rude. And once his boyfriend yelled at him and made a scene, because he thought he saw Jaejoong staring at some guy’s butt. And he never thought Yunho would be a jealous type.

But it was okay, Jaejoong told himself, it was normal.

Yunho was jealous, because he loved him.

But when Jaejoong met LeeTeuk, and somehow over the beer they came to discussing the relationships, he was shocked by an abrupt laughter his story caused.

“Well, well, your Yunho seems to be quite a barbarian”, Super Junior leader said, his eyes sparkling.

“He is not”, protested Jaejoong, “Yunho is kind and caring.”

“Well, he might seem kind and caring. But he is obviously too obsessed with your relationship. One day he is all nice and harmless, as a white bunny, and another”, he snapped his fingers, “he is as harmless as Othelo!”

“Who?” Jaejoong looked at him, bewildered for a moment.

LeeTeuk waved a hand impatiently at him, “Never mind it. What I am trying to say is that one day it may go bad.”

Jaejoong was going to answer something when his cell phone went off. The tune signifying that the caller was Yunho.

The talk was short and not so pleasant. Basically it could be summed up as Yunho demanding to tell him where Jaejoong was and insisting that he should come back home immediately.

Rising and fishing for change in his pockets, Jaejoong saw LeeTeuk give him a ‘I-told-you-so’ grin. It made him feel queasy, as if the other knew something he didn’t.

But LeeTeuk just sipped his beer and said, “Give me a call, when your Cerberus is away, so we can talk.”

//

He was getting bolder, letting his own hands explore the other’s skin, tracing the unknown patterns over his ribs, probing the firm muscles of his abdomen. It was fascinating, this freedom to touch, this opportunity to try everything and the knowledge that everything he was ready to give would be accepted.

Accepted, devoured, sucked dry.

He laughed, although he felt like crying.

//

They met several times after that one, he and LeeTeuk. Jaejoong had lots of things to catch up with him. It was funny how both of them working for the same company saw each other so rarely. Last time they had any real chance to talk was during their early days and too much time had passed since then.

They both changed. Grew up. Matured.

And LeeTeuk could listen. And listen he did, when Jaejoong poured it all out, all his doubts, his love to Yunho, all those little things that made him happy.

And LeeTeuk listened and smiled over the rim of his beer bottle, throwing sharp comments here and there.

It never occurred to Jaejoong how good his reacquired friend was getting under his skin. How easy it was becoming to discuss all things with him, how often he would lean to the other’s shoulder, how loud he would laugh over his jokes.

And the day Jaejoong realized that he liked LeeTeuk everything went downhill.

//

He could hear somebody moaning and he hardly managed to recognize the voice as his own. The thought that he was voicing his pleasure aloud did something to him, making him moan louder.

Moan, groan, suck in his breath and hiss.

The music that they were composing with their bodies was a senseless cacophony, but it made him as high as no drug ever could.

And it was devilishly dangerous.

//

It happened when he least expected. Or he thought so. They were laughing over some story Jaejoong had told, and LeeTeuk was laughing one minute and another he was leaning to the other boy and kissing him.

The kiss was different from those Jaejoong shared with Yunho. It was hot and LeeTeuk’s mouth tasted bitter from their usual beer. And Yunho never tasted bitter.

It might have been all that consumed beer, or it might have been that sexuality that LeeTeuk seemed to ooze with his every breath, but something had certainly gone to Jaejoong’s mind, because instead of breaking the kiss and demanding an explanation, he kissed back.

When he did pull away, LeeTeuk watched him with those lazy eyes of a cat that had just eaten a canary; his hand was brushing the side of his face.

“So, what now?” He prompted gently.

“I don’t know”, Jaejoong said honestly, a whole lot of new emotions were swirling in his head, confusing him.

“Then how about this…” - and they were kissing again.

//

Their bodies were moving in a tandem, heat pooling here and there and soon Jaejoong felt as if his whole body was on fire. Hands slipped with sweat, nails leaving reddish marks on the other’s back, it was as powerful as an avalanche coming down and as inevitable. And he welcomed it with opened arms.

Jaejoong bit his lip to prevent himself from crying out, but escape it did, that animalistic yell that scraped out of his throat and rang in the room.

Everything blacked out for a second and then came back crushing at him. All those pains of strained muscles, the stinging in his groin, the bitterness of sweat.

The weight of a body that was not familiar to him.

For a moment Jaejoong laid still, trying to find strength to move, then he squirmed a little and LeeTeuk moved off his body to lie beside him. He reached to touch Jaejoong’s cheek, but the other turned his face away.

He suddenly felt very tired.

“Ah. Feeling guilty already?” Said the other band leader, sounding totally unconcerned over what they had just done.

“I love Yunho”, Jaejoong cracked out, his throat suddenly constricted.

“Really? Then why are you  here?”

//

It was no use trying to hide something like this from Yunho. He must have guessed or might have sensed that something was wrong, so he cornered Jaejoong and the other had nothing better to do than to tell him everything.

It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t pretty, and Jaejoong kept swallowing tears and Yunho wasn’t looking at him, just standing there with his fists clenched.

Finally their leader nodded and mumbling something about needing time to think left. And Jaejoong was alone.

//

Everything had changed. Yunho was cold to him and avoiding him at all costs. LeeTeuk was on the other hand very gentle and supportive. And although more often than not Jaejoong found himself in Super Junior leader’s bed, his heart still ached for Yunho.

It was one of those nights when Jaejoong felt the loneliness even more acutely. He called LeeTeuk, and he said ‘why note’ and ‘wait for me’, and soon the other boy was in his room.

But this time it was different. Although the kisses that LeeTeuk showered him with were as hot as any other time, although the touch was electrifying as ever, Jaejoong couldn’t help but feel guilty. Something was amiss in their lovemaking. And that little something was actually…

Love.

Suddenly it became all crystal clear to Jaejoong.

Pulling back from the kiss he grabbed the other’s hands to stop their roaming. Looking into LeeTeuk’s eyes he said, “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

The other boy gave him an understaning look, “Finally made up your mind, didn’t you? Good.” He nodded to himself, then slowly moved off Jaejoong. Attempting to straighten his shirt and fastening his belt, he combed his hair with his fingers.

Meanwhile Jaejoong still lay half-sprawled on the bed, watching him. His eyes were dark and filled with emotion. Suddenly he realized that it was last time he would be that close to LeeTeuk, or maybe even last time he would see him. It hurt just a little. But he did make up his mind and Yunho was the one he needed.

LeeTeuk was ready to leave, but he paused for a second and leaned to give Jaejoong one last kiss. Then there was knocking at the door and Yunho’s voice saying, “Jae, are you in there?”

In silence with his heart beating painfully Jaejoong watched his now former lover move to the door and open it smoothly. There was a pause and he could see a wide range of emotions flicker in Yunho’s eyes. It was anger and then lust and hurt and anger again.

LeeTeuk must have seen it as well, because he moved past the boy quickly throwing over his shoulder, “I think you both need to talk”. He was gone. And Yunho kept standing in the doorway. His hands were clenching.

Jaejoong pulled up from the bed and slowly moved to the other boy. His jeans were unbuttoned, and one side of his shirt fell down his shoulder, revealing white skin. He knew he looked wanton and maybe felt like that too. Stepping before Yunho he simply grabbed his hand and made the boy step into the room.

The moment the door closed behind Yunho, Jaejoong pressed full length of his body to the leader. Doing nothing but touching from head to toe, he stood still breathing in the familiar scent and thinking how on earth he could have thought he could live without it.

“I love you”, he said.

Pressing his face into other’s t-shirt Jaejoong could hear the rapid beating of the boy’s heart in his chest.

“I… I…” Yunho whispered, stammering, and then suddenly strong hands were around Jaejoong holding him. “I am sorry, Jaejoong, I am so sorry”, the words poured off the leader’s lips.

“Me too”, hot tears spilled down Jaejoong’s face. He clenched Yunho’s shirt, pressing harder to the other’s body.

It was all about trust, Jaejoong decided that night, trust and knowing what you really wanted. And where you belonged. And he belonged here, he thought, always to be in Yunho’s arms.

No matter what would happen, no matter how many ‘LeeTeuks’ there would be on his path, nothing would change one thing – he belonged to Yunho.

“Yours”, whispered Jaejoong almost inaudibly.

//

Wednesday, 09 August 2006