Author's note:
Was inspired by Anastacia “Everything Burns”, but the fic has little connection with it. Basically it is Mickey's POV (if you cant tell). AU. Drug/alcohol abuse.

Everything Burns


~'Till everything burns While everyone screams Burning their lies Burning my dreams All of this hate And all of this pain I'll burn it all down As my anger reigns 'Till everything burns ~

Anastacia “Everything Burns”


Everything burned around him. Burned psychedelic hues of absinthe green and cigarette gleaming orange. The air, he breathed, tasted of morbid vitality and head-spinning intensity. The air, he breathed out, was dull and grey in comparison. Silence was deafening, but somewhere in the distance he could hear faint noises. The void in his head was filled with the static which suspiciously reminded him of his own screams.


His body pinned to the bed with its own weight, seemed by turns lead-heavy and feather-light. The limb unmoving, the lips dry and parted, his eyes were staring blindly into the darkness, seeing nothing of the things that surrounded him but the familiar contour of face he had once loved.


The heart in his chest beat in a strange rhythm, the language of which he didn’t know. It skipped a beat or throbbed quicker, sometimes one way, sometimes the other, never following the same pattern twice.


“It’s ok”, he thought. “Have it your way. I am already dead.”


While the melted steal burned through his veins, his mind was revolving around that particular memory, the images repeating themselves in some kind of broken record parody.


//


The touches that were gentler than usual. The kisses that were more passionate than usual. The looks that were more affectionate than usual. They all saw it. They only couldn’t understand how he couldn’t see it.


One of the most sensual creatures in this world, he was totally blind to all displays of love.


//


Confessions aren’t easy to make. Declarations of love are the worst.
He hesitated.
He stammered.
He stumbled over the words.
He paused. And blurted it all out.


Where he expected joy and admission, he was met with confusion and indifference.


He pushed.


And was met with resistance.
Nothing seemed black and white anymore.
Since then everything became green and orange.


//


His thoughts were astray. They mingled, broke and conjugated in illogical pairs. He couldn’t say anymore, what thing had happened for real and what was just a creation of his dreams. The frozen expression of ecstasy on his beloved’s face could have belonged to somebody else. The ghost-like feeling of the slender fingers on his flesh that could have been his own. The words of love that he could have heard somewhere else.


He didn’t regret dying. He regretted not dying sooner.


//


In the world of meaningless relationships and shallow conversations only three words were his only light. He thought he knew everything. He thought he could live like that forever. He believed his greed could be satisfied with the mere wish, mere hope, mere sight, mere knowledge that he was close, he was somewhere out there, within his hands reach.


He forgot that they didn’t belong to each other. That nobody was nobody’s.


He was wrapped up in his own dream, caught up in his wishes, blinded by his needs.


He was doomed.


//


In his drugged state, he couldn’t hear the door to his room open. His blurred eyes saw not a man, but a luminescent silhouette, moving to his bed. The hands which touched his face were shockingly hot, burning his skin, making his bones melt. He thought he screamed when he saw that the ghost had the face, he longed so much to forget.


“Yoochun!”


He thought he could feel the alien lips pressing to his, trying to suck the dying sparkles of life out of him. He thought he tried to fight the dead weight of the body pressed to his. He thought he prayed to both God and Devil to spare him and let him die another death. He thought he heard a venomous whisper in his ear “I thought you would teach me to love you”. He thought he cursed in answer.


“J-Jae?..”


Everything around him burned in fluorescent white and pitch black.


ended: 10/04/05