Author's note:
I love driving to "Rising Sun". I tend to, you know, a bit overstep speed limits. *snort* Written in one of my fav manners - I call it 'circular', because it revolves round some word or phrase. In this case it is number.
One hundred and twenty
[ One hundred and twenty ]
His heart was beating one hundred and twenty in a minute, when their van hit that car and everything suddenly went black. When Yoochun regained consciousness, for a second all he could hear was the blood pumping in his head. But slowly, as he was fighting dizziness and trying to comprehend what had happened, even his own hoarse breathes couldn’t drown the police sirens.
And somebody’s moans.
[ One hundred and twenty ]
One hundred and twenty times he passed the blasted flower pot, pacing the hospital corridor, while he and the rest of the TVfXQ members were waiting for the result of Jaejoong’s surgery. He couldn’t make himself sit still, like others; it felt as if him moving was vital. As if it was something that could keep Jaejoong’s heart beating. Yoochun couldn’t bear to look into the others’ faces, knowing exactly what he would see there, for the pain and desperation was mutual in the tear-leaden eyes.
He felt as if he was suffocating.
[ One hundred and twenty ]
One hundred minutes and twenty cigarettes later Yoochun realized that he might go crazy, if he had to wait there any longer. Wishing to escape the morbid stillness of the hospital, he just grabbed his coat and turning headed to exit. He didn’t stop, when he heard Yunho yelling: “Where are you going?”
A moment later his arm was caught and firmly held by the angry leader. “What the fuck are you doing?”, rasped Yunho, his eyes red and furious. When Yoochun didn’t answer, the boy had to physically shake him. “How can you leave, when we might get the news.. every minute now?..” His voice shook with the emotions.
When Yunho thought that he would receive no answer this time either, Yoochun turned his face to him, revealing the tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. With dry lips that almost refused to move, he whispered: “I can’t stand being here..” A tear rolled down, as he continued: “Every minute I flinch at the sounds of somebody walking or talking, dreading somebody to come and tell me, I have lost him for ever…”
Slowly Yunho’s fingers uncurled from their death grip on the other boy’s sleeve. “Call me.. when you know.. something..” He nodded and, biting his lip, watched Yoochun leave.
Everyone chose his own way to fight despair.
[ One hundred and twenty ]
One hundred and twenty messages and emails, sent by Jaejoong during all those years they knew each other, were saved and archived at Yoochun’s cell phone. And he still remembered each conversation, each joke, everything. He felt as if he was keeping some part of Jaejoong with those messages, something which was always with him.
Flipping his cell phone open to check for missed calls, he saw a new message; the service light blinking at him mockingly. Sent three minutes before the accident, it was received only few minutes ago.
From: Jaejoongie The Prince
Message: Sarang hae yo, Mickey Mouse. <3
It took all his willpower not to crush his cell.
[ One hundred and twenty ]
Their song “Rising Sun” was blasting from the radio, when Yoochun drove into a free-way. His foot was firmly set on the gas pedal; the speedometer showing 120 kmph and counting. His lips were moving to the familiar lines, but the words stuck in his throat when he heard the voice of someone, who was lost between two worlds. And Yoochun listened to the song, as if he had never listened to it before, finding hidden meanings in the words, which used to hold none, feeling the pain swell in his chest and choke his heart.
The city blurred into a single dark tunnel stretched along the sides of a road; the headlights of the passing cars flashed in the periphery of his sight. Hands firmly gripping the wheel, the eyes staring blindly straight ahead, in his mind Yoochun was saying all prayers he knew. He felt as if he was soaring and falling at the same time. Seconds waiting stretched long as hours and days of happy memories flew like a moment.
And now looking back, Yoochun couldn’t stop blaming himself for not using one hundred and twenty opportunities to confess his feelings to the elder boy.
[ One hundred and twenty ]
Ring-ring.
“Yes?”, raspy voice so full of barely hidden fear.
“Yoochun,” – Yunho’s voice totally emotionless and so much tired. “Jaejoong is.. He is…”
Click.
“Yoochun?!”
The number you have dialed can not be reached at the moment. Please, try again later.
One hundred and twenty seconds of silence.
ended: 10/24/2005